There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
