I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
