There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
How drunk are you?
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