I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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