You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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