He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
