please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
