Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
