I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
