This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
