laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
