Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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