What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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