he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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