Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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