If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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