Whoa Z and x make the same sound
someone owes me an orgasm
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
