i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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