$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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