I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
