A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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