census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize