Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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