Only a mothe r could love this liver
People in love make me want to vomit
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
