you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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