ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
