so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
