none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
