Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
