He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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