The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
