I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize