so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im holly from the hills drunk
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
