I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
