He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
