go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
