Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
