New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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