I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
