I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you never un-have a 4some
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
