I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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