He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
