We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize