good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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