Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
