You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
