This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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