Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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