just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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