Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
