My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
