I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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