Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
