She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
