i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
