I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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