I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
