I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
