Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
