He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
