Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
