Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize