I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
