He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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