My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you never un-have a 4some
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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