He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
