Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
