My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Randomize
