i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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