Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
