you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
