You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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