as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
