K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
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