my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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