only if we run a train.
done.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
