69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize