is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
