I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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