i jhust puked up my retainher.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
