And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize