What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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