if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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