I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
sick fucks of a feather flock together
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
