this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
