Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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