Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
