Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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