Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
