this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
