My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
