you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize