when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
