I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
