hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
