Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
