I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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