i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
