dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
